I used to hang out with a crowd, many years ago, that I no longer hang with. Let me tell you why.
More often than not, the women would end up in the kitchen or dining room at these gatherings or sometimes we’d all end up blended together with our spouses. It seemed like during that time there was a lot of husband and wife bashing that would go on. It drove me crazy! As many issues as my ex-husband and I had, bashing each other in front of others was not one of them. What causes someone to do that? What makes someone decide that public humiliation is a great idea?
I’ve been single a long time since my divorce. By single, I don’t mean alone that entire time. I have dated my share on and off, but I have seriously learned over the last seventeen years that I’d rather be alone than in an abusive or toxic relationship. I would never stay in a relationship that found it normal to name-call, gender bash or yell at me to make a point. It’s not necessary. I have often wondered what the draw was to some people to stay with someone so mean. Are we such creatures of habit, in such a comfort zone of familiarity, that we accept this sort of thing? For me, no. The folks I call friend are not bashers. They don’t talk ill of their spouses or significant other. As a single woman, I would have given anything to be in a relationship that was unbroken and loving, and would not dream of doing anything so negative to my boyfriend. The former friends would say “Oh it’s all in fun” but I just didn’t think it was fun. I gravitated away from those people over time because while I can appreciate diversity and the differences that make us interesting to one another, this type of behavior deviated too far from what I believe in. It seemed immature, hateful, and mean to me.
Stay on the train….
On that same note, love is love. To me, it doesn’t matter who you love or who you choose to give your heart to. Most of the same gender relationships in my life have been together longer than any of the heterosexual ones I’m privy to. Who cares? You love who you love and if you are kind and loyal to one another….seriously…who cares? You don’t bash each other, publicly or privately, you don’t display jealousy, and you don’t accuse. Healthy relationships don’t do that. Healthy relationships don’t compare you to others either. Gay, straight, transgender, what does it matter? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we don’t understand everything in this chaotic world. And that’s okay. If you want to know more about it, research it or find a pro to explain it to you. But like racism, it’s just another form of bashing that is crazy to me in this day and age.
I’m fortunate enough to be in a relationship now that is kind, loving, supportive and happy. I can’t imagine him saying anything mean about me, in front of me or to anyone else. I don’t have anything like that to say about him either. It’s called respect. And when you love and respect someone, regardless of what type of relationship or friendship it is, you don’t talk down to them or about them to others. People are in your life to lift you up, not bring you down. It seems so simple, but so many people just don’t get it. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, leave it. There’s no need for jealousy, contempt, anger, or aggression. When you keep the focus on treating others how you wish to be treated, it gets pretty simple.
Love is love. Keep it real.